It Pays To Belong
is he going back to her?

Stand tall, acting small
You see it all, I got your calls
That's no use in sorting out, no
That's no use, there ain't no doubt

Good times on the rise

Could it be they got all that you longed for
A place to lay it all
Could it be that you're just like me
In my thoughts you're so much more

Good times on the rise
Now it's all in your hands

No, no you won't go wrong, no
Oh no, it pays to belong

Cold and Alone Inside of My Coffin
is this really what you want?

i understand that what i did was wrong,
but i think you should forgive me.
i only did it because you have severe commitment issues,
and possibly an undiagnosed personality disorder.

there's something wrong with you.
there's something wrong with me too.
I just don't know why i'm doing this.
Is this really what you want?

After a while you will go home
and you won't call and i won't either.
And we'll forget each other
and you won't call and I won't either.

And after a while I won't like you anymore
and we'll forget each other.
And after a while you will be beautiful and alone inside of your coffin.
And i'll be cold and alone inside of my coffin.
And we'll forget each other.

I don't know what to do when you look at me
like I did something wrong to you.
I don't know what to say to you
There's nothing I can do for you.

The Sirens Of Titan
It is always pitiful when any human being falls into a condition hardly more respectable than that of an animal. How much more pitiful it is when the person who falls has had all the advantages!


Mankind flung its advance agents ever outward, ever outward. Eventually it flung them out into space, into the colorless, tasteless, weightless sea of outwardness without end.
It flung them like stones.
These unhappy agents found what had already been found in abundance on Earth — a nightmare of meaninglessness without end. The bounties of space, of infinite outwardness, were three: empty heroics, low comedy, and pointless death.
Outwardness lost, at last, its imagined attractions. Only inwardness remained to be explored. Only the human soul remained terra incognita .

The Radio Dept.
i don't need love, i've got my band

No longer waiting for your call
Your silence really says it all
You've got your friends
I understand
I don't need love, I've got my band

I can't recall how love feels
Memory fails to remind me
And I don't care for one night stands
I don't need love, I've got my band

An Abundance of Katherines
-2^7 x^8 + 2^2 x^3 - x^2/16^3 - 8.6x^2 - -2x + 1/16 + 13 - 2 + sin(2x)/2 [1+(-1)^2.5 + 1 (x + 11pi/2)^-2.5/ (x + 11pi/2)^-2.5]

And the moral of the story is that you don't remember what happened. What you remember becomes what happened.

Memories
Boat Club


I have a picture of me and you, 
pictures of places we used to go.
The nights were really long there, 
and I know that we belong there.

Holding a letter I've got from you, 
the words are forgot, but now I know, 
I know that I belong here, 
though the days are really long here. 

The nights were really long there, 
and I know that we belong there. 
Yeah the nights were really long there, 
and I know that I belong there, 
with you.

Pia Fraus
End Of Time And Space Like We Used To Know It Is After You Have Finish


Take my hand and see the world like I see
You'll understand the perfectness I need
Make my way from hollow
From the maze I'm sick and tired of…

Fill your mind with blaze that makes you warble
Trying to compete with present day
Do we still need sanity
Let it go no borders any more

…perfectness I need.

Feel So Sad
Reprise

Sweet Lord, I know
I hate this lonely life so
Lord, I know
It goes so slow
I feel so alone, Sweet Lord

Sweet Lord, it's a sin
To live this life sufferin'
Lord, I pray
I long for a change
But it still remains, Sweet Lord

Sweet Lord, is this my fate?
To live my life in this state
Lord, I know
Time goes slow
I feel so alone, Sweet Lord

Sweet Lord, I pray
Take this bitterness away
I feel so sad
Feel so sad
Feel so sad
I feel so sad, Sweet Lord

BJM
Love of my Life

She said "I love you"
And I know it can't be wrong
'Cos i've waited for so long
I've waited for you

He said "ohhh"
Girl you best run for your life
'Cos i'll never take a wife
I live alone with all my strife
I'm unrepentant

And I said "I love her"
All the tears that she has cried
Many years after they've dried
I will be there by her side
Because i love her
Yes i do

Tao Lin
Life, people learned, was not easy. Life was not cake. Life was not a carrot cake

In the parking lot, she drove and parked in a dark area with no other cars around. She reclined her seat, and listened to music. Outside there were trees, a ditch, a bridge; another parking lot. It was very dark. Maybe the Sasquatch would run out from the woods. Chelsea wouldn’t be afraid. She would calmly watch the Sasquatch jog into the ditch then out, hairy and strong and mysterious—to be so large yet so unknown; how could one cope except by running?—smash through some bushes, and sprint, perhaps, behind Wal-Mart, leaping over a shopping cart and barking. 

Did the Sasquatch bark? It used to alarm Chelsea that this might be all there was to her life, these hours alone each day and night—thinking things and not sharing them and then forgetting—the possibility of that would shock her a bit, trickily, like a three-part realization: that there was a bad idea out there; that that bad idea wasn’t out there, but here; and that she herself was that bad idea. 

But recently, and now, in her car, she just felt calm and perceiving, and a little consoled, even, by the sad idea of her own life, as if it were someone else’s, already happened, in some other world, placed now in the core of her, like a pillow that was an entire life, of which when she felt exhausted by aloneness she could crumple and fall towards, like a little bed, something she could pretend, and believe, even (truly and unironically believe; why not?), was a real thing that had come from far away, through a place of no people, a place of people, and another place of no people, as a gift, for no occasion, but just because she needed—or perhaps deserved; did the world try in that way? to make things fair?

Looking for Alaska
The only way out of the labyrinth of suffering is to forgive

He was gone, and I did not have time to tell him what I had just now realized; that I forgave him, and that she forgave us, and that we had to forgive to survive in the labyrinth. There were so many of us who would have to live with things done and things left undone that day. Things that did not go right, things that seemed okay at the time because we could not see the future. If only we could see the endless string of consequences that result from our smallest actions. But we can’t know better until knowing better is useless. And as I walked back to give Takumi’s note to the Colonel, I saw that I would never know. I would never know her well enough to know her thoughts in those last minutes, would never know if she left us on purpose. But the not-knowing would not keep me from caring, and I would always love Alaska Young, my crooked neighbor, with all my crooked heart.

Air Formation
I can't remember waking up

There are tears in your eyes every time I leave your side,
I can't remember waking up, the thought of light helps the night pass on by.
Here's a lonely place, wasted days and long goodbyes
Tell me everyone feels like this, the water's clear; no current here.
You said you'd never go. Should have left me here on my own
I'm cold; you're white as snow. You should have left me here all alone.

Secret Shine
Adored

I thought that I'd never be
Someone who you don't see
Anymore

You just want to start again
All of the things we've said mean
Nothing

Now it's falling apart
How I want to be back at the start

You and I
Touched the sky
Nothing had gone before
You are the one I adored

It's all we were
Nothing we did could hurt
I wanted nothing more
You are the one I adored

I thought it would never be
So hard to watch and see us falling

Is there nothing that we can do?
To just try and make it through
Together
Now it's falling apart
How I want to be back at the start

You and I
Touched the sky
Nothing had gone before
You are the one I adored

It's all we were
Nothing we did could hurt
I wanted nothing more
You are the one I adored

Wasted Away
Secret Shine 

i cant really see
what is wrong
so its easy
a way to keep me hanging on

wasting it
all these days
in your bedroom
never wanted this to fade

oh sweetness you say
i'll bring it down like you these days
and i found i never knew who i really loved much more

i am blind
and needed you to say
all this time
that we've wasted away
and you are mine
more than you've ever knew
if i drown
then i'll drag you down too.

Slowdive
I thought i heard you whisper

The sunshine girl is sleeping
She falls and dreams alone
And me I am her dagger
To numb to feel her pain

The world is full of noise yeah
I hear it all the time
And me I am your dagger
You know I am your world
(you know i am your wound)

I thought I heard you whisper
It happens all the time
I thought I heard you whisper
It happens all the time

She whispers while I'm sleeping
I love you when you smile
I didn't really lose you
I just lost it for a while

The world is full of noise yeah
I hear it all the time
You know I am your dagger
You know I am your wound
I thought I heard you whisper
It happens all the time
I thought I heard you whisper
It happens all the time 

The Stranger
The meaninglessness of human life

Marie came that evening and asked me if I’d marry her. I said I didn’t mind; if she was keen on it, we’d get married.
Then she asked me again if I loved her. I replied, much as before, that her question meant nothing or next to nothing—but I supposed I didn’t.
“If that’s how you feel,” she said, “why marry me?”
I explained that it had no importance really, but, if it would give her pleasure, we could get married right away. I pointed out that, anyhow, the suggestion came from her; as for me, I’d merely said, “Yes.”

Then she remarked that marriage was a serious matter.
To which I answered: “No.”
She kept silent after that, staring at me in a curious way. Then she asked:
“Suppose another girl had asked you to marry her—I mean, a girl you liked in the same way as you like me—would you have said ‘Yes’ to her, too?”
“Naturally.”

Then she said she wondered if she really loved me or not. I, of course, couldn’t enlighten her as to that. And, after another silence, she murmured something about my being “a queer fellow.” “And I daresay that’s why I love you,” she added. “But maybe that’s why one day I’ll come to hate you.”
To which I had nothing to say, so I said nothing.
She thought for a bit, then started smiling and, taking.

Titus Andronicus 
The Airing Of Grievances

Why do you do the things you've done
and how dumb would you have to be
to do them again like I know you're going to?
If you're the poet you say you are and beauty's in everything you see,
then how can love exist in a world run by people like you?
Because when there's suffering, you're there.
From southern trees, you hang them in the air.
The world screams out in agony and you don't care,
but should the shit hit the fan,
I just pray you will not be spared.
Fuck you.

You took a heart with so much room for love
and filled it with hatred and rage
until there was nothing left but for it to shrivel up and die.

People will tell you that if you don't love your neighbor, then you don't love God,
but no god of mine would put light in such unrighteous eyes.
Now the way we hold each other so tight
would look more like a noose if held up to the light because we betray each other in dreams every night.
Now let's never speak of it again, all right?

The Perks of Being A Wall Flower
I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.

Once on a yellow piece of paper with green lines he wrote a poem
And he called it "Chops" because that was the name of his dog
And that's what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A and a gold star
And his mother hung it on the kitchen door and read it to his aunts
That was the year Father Tracy took all the kids to the zoo
And he let them sing on the bus
And his little sister was born with tiny toenails and no hair
And his mother and father kissed a lot
And the girl around the corner sent him a Valentine signed with a row of X's and he had to ask his father what the X's meant
And his father always tucked him in bed at night
And was always there to do it

Once on a piece of white paper with blue lines he wrote a poem
And he called it "Autumn" because that was the name of the season
And that's what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A and asked him to write more clearly
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door because of its new paint
And the kids told him that Father Tracy smoked cigars
And left butts on the pews
And sometimes they would burn holes
That was the year his sister got glasses with thick lenses and black frames
And the girl around the corner laughed when he asked her to go see Santa Claus
And the kids told him why his mother and father kissed a lot
And his father never tucked him in bed at night
And his father got mad when he cried for him to do it.

Once on a paper torn from his notebook he wrote a poem
And he called it "Innocence: A Question" because that was the question about his girl
And that's what it was all about
And his professor gave him an A and a strange steady look
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door because he never showed her
That was the year that Father Tracy died
And he forgot how the end of the Apostle's Creed went
And he caught his sister making out on the back porch
And his mother and father never kissed or even talked
And the girl around the corner wore too much makeup
That made him cough when he kissed her but he kissed her anyway because that was the thing to do
And at three A.M. he tucked himself into bed his father snoring soundly

That's why on the back of a brown paper bag he tried another poem
And he called it "Absolutely Nothing"
Because that's what it was really all about
And he gave himself an A and a slash on each damned wrist
And he hung it on the bathroom door because this time he didn't think he could reach the kitchen.

Go Ask Alice

(?)


A fly got into my room today and I couldn't stop screaming. I was so afraid he was going to lay more maggot eggs on my face and hands and body. It took two nurses to kill him. I can't let flies get on me.
Maybe I will have to stop sleeping.
 
(?)
 
It's all very unclear because when I try to think back it's like I'm looking through fuzzy, colored lights but I do remember trying to dial home and taking eternities to get each number to the end. I think the lina was busy and I don't really remember what happened next except that I was screaming and Gramps was there to help me, but his body was dripping with blazing multi-colored worms and maggots which fell on the floor behind him. He tried to pick me up, but only the skeleton remained of his hands and arms. The rest had been picked clean by wriggling, writhing, slithering, busily eating worms which seethed on his every part. They were eating and they wouldn't stop. His two eye sockets were teeming with white soft-bodied, creeping animals which were burrowing in and out of his flesh and which were phosphorescent and swirled into one another. The worms and parasites started creeping and crawling and running toward the baby's room and I tried to stomp on them and beat them to death with my hands but they multiplied faster than I could kill them. And they began crawling on my own hands and arms and face and body. They were in my nose and my mouth and my throat, choking me, strangling me. Tapeworms, larva, grubs, disintegrating my flesh, crawling on me, consuming me. Gramps was calling me but I could not leave the baby, nor did I want to go with him for he frightened me and nauseated me. He was so badly eaten I could barely recognize him. He kept pointing to a casket next to his and I tried to get away but thousands of other dead things and people were pushing me inside and forcing the lid down on me. I was screaming and screaming and trying to claw my way out of the casket, but they wouldn't let me go.

Slowdive
missing you

Fourty days and I miss you
I'm so high that I've lost my mind
It's the summer I'm thinking of
Fourty days and I'm blown away
If I saw something new
I guess I wouldn't worry
If I saw something new
I guess I wouldn't care

You said you're always sleeping
But if so, I'll be leaving
It's just that I'm always falling
And it makes me feel bad, yeah

If I saw something new
I guess I wouldn't worry
If I saw something new
I guess I wouldn't care

Just to try and watch you
Said I love the way that you smile, don't
Makes me try and watch you
I said I love the way that you smile, don't
Smile whenever I watch you
I said I love the way that you smile, don't
Smile whenever I watch you
I said I love the way that you smile, don't

In Your Room
watch me drown inside
I always try
to keep my eyes from closing besides
I still see you
it seems so right
to think of the time we could have tonight
and it's so cold
it seems my hands
are colder than yours, warm me up inside
your face turns red and so does mine
and we climb all around
you stare into my eyes and watch me
drown inside
you whisper to me softly as I lie
you shine so bright
a light inside my head i love the thought
of staring at you
asleep at night

kaleidoscopic thoughts of me and you
and you're just so cool
for me to see
the life we'd have and we'd tell everyone
your face turns red and so does mine
and we climb all around
you stare into my eyes and watch me
drown inside
and whisper to me softly as I lie

Disappear Here
Less Than Zero

There are so many things Blair doesn’t get about me, so many things she ultimately overlooked, and things that she would never know, and there would always be a distance between us because there were too many shadows everywhere. Had she ever made promises to a faithless reflection in the mirror? Had she ever cried because she hated someone so much? Had she ever craved betrayal to the point where she pushed the crudest fantasies into reality, coming up with sequences that she and nobody else could read, moving the game as you play it? Could she locate the moment she went dead inside? Does she remember the year it took to become that way? The fades, the dissolves, the rewritten scenes, all the things you wipe away—I now want to explain all these things to her but I know I never will, the most important one being: I never liked anyone and I’m afraid of people.

Six Feet Under
We live, we die. Ultimately, nothing means anything.

What about you saying that things happen that leave marks … in people, in space, in time?
Yeah, that's physics. Energy affecting matter. Talking to dead people is delusional. Nate: So you definitely don't believe in any kind of a life after death? I think people live on through the people they love and the things they do with their lives … if they manage to do things with their lives. But that's it, that's it? That's all there is, there's nothing more, there's nothing like bigger?

Just energy. But there's no plan, no— No, there's definitely no plan. Just survival. Should I have ordered the salmon? Uh, I don't know. How can you live like that? I mean, what if you found out you were gonna die tomorrow?  I've been prepared to die tomorrow since I was six years old.

Really? Yeah, pretty much. We never got butter. Well, why, since you were six?
Because I read a report on the effect nuclear war would have on the world, and it was pretty clear to me at that point that this was definitely gonna happen.
When you were six? And I wake up every day pretty much surprised that, um … everything is still here. Well, I don't understand how you can live like that. Well, I thought we all did.
We've been clutching so desperately to the past, and for what?

Because that's when there was hope.

Ambivalence Avenue
if only

Lovers' names,

carved in walls overlap,

start to merge

some of them

underneath

maybe they appear in graveyards

maybe they fade away

weathered and overgrown

time has told

meaningful hidden words

suddenly appear,

from the murk

maybe they're telling us

that the end never was never will the words have gone

But the meaning will never disappear from the wall...

All My Little Words

69 love song i don't want to get over you

You are a splendid butterfly
It is your wings that make you beautiful
And I could make you fly away
But I could never make you stay

You said you were in love with me
Both of us know that that's impossible
And I could make you rue the day
But I could never make you stay

Not for all the tea in China
Not if I could sing like a bird
Not for all North Carolina
Not for all my little words
Not if I could write for you
The sweetest song you ever heard
It doesn't matter what I do
Not for all my little words

Now that you've made me want to die
You tell me that you're unboyfriendable
And I could make you pay and pay
But I could never make you stay

Not for all the tea in China
Not if I could sing like a bird
Not for all North Carolina
Not for all my little words
Not if I could write for you
The sweetest song you ever heard
It doesn't matter what I do
Not for all my little words

It doesn't matter what I do
Not for all my little words...

Ride
i will always remember the first time i heard this ...with him

first you look so strong
then you fade away
the sun will blind my eyes
i love you anyway

first you form a smile
i watch you for a while
you are a vapour trail
in a deep blue sky

tremble with a sigh
glitter in your eye
you seem to come and go
i never seem to know

and all my time
is yours as much as mine
we never had enough
time to show our love

Song for Clay
Live the dream, live the dream, live the dream
Clay, did you ever love me?

I’m studying a billboard and say that I didn’t hear what she said.
I asked if you ever loved me?

On the terrace the sun bursts into my eyes and for one blinding moment I see myself clearly. I remember the first time we made love, in the house in Palm Springs, her body tan and wet, lying against cool, white sheets.

Don’t do this, Blair, I tell her.
Just tell me.

I don’t say anything.

The Radio Dept.

I sometimes got so tired of our game
I wanted you to feel the same
And did I say I liked you on the plane?
I wanted you you to feel the same

I wanted you you to feel the same

It breaks my heart to say that when I was in pain
I wanted you to feel the same
But nothing gets you really
It's a shame
I can't believe you didn't feel a thing


I wanted you you to feel the same